Split Second
by Anam-Cara
Summary: Taking place during, ITSOTG, Sam thinks about how close he came to losing someone important and evaluates his feelings


Title: Split Second  
  
Author: Kristin  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Disclaimer: All characters, episode references, etc. belong to Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Productions, NBC and no copyright infringement is intended  
  
Category: CJ/Sam  
  
Summary: first season finale: Sam thinks about how close he came to losing someone important and evaluates his feelings  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It's all kind of blurred together- just a whirlpool of anger, fear, anguish, concern- all my emotions mixed together. I'm surprised I can remember what happened and I actually wish I could forget, like CJ.  
  
CJ.  
  
She's...well, she's definitely one of my best friends. And we were at the Newseum. Who would've ever thought that in a few seconds we'd be fighting to survive? I think more than anything I feared for CJ.  
  
Maybe it's because she's a woman- though she'd kill me if she heard me say that. I feel a sense of protectiveness towards her- we all do. But I think it's because I have feelings for her. I'm not sure how strong they are, how long I've felt this way, or at what point I realized I was in love with her.  
  
It was probably the moment I heard the first shot. She was standing next to me and we were talking and enjoying each other. Then all hell broke loose. I couldn't think, just couldn't form a clear thought. I was afraid I'd just be so scared I wouldn't move but it seems that I just sort of tackled her to the ground. It was almost instinctive.  
  
I heard her grunt and scream and I can't put into words the terror I felt, wondering if it was just because it hurt when I tackled her or if she had been shot. I just knew that I had to keep her on the ground so she couldn't get hurt worse.  
  
Finally, the shots stopped. It seemed to drag on forever (though I would later be told the shooters were down 9.2 seconds after the first shot). However long it was, it was enough time for the shooters to hit the President and my other best friend, Josh. Thankfully, Josh is going to be alright.  
  
I can't help but think about what if it was her? I don't want to think that way but it just happens. Anyway, after I realized the shooting had stopped, I moved up slowly, so slowly. I think it's because part of me feared what I would find when I rolled CJ over. And when I got up enough so I was on my knees, I noticed she wasn't moving. I'm almost certain my heart actually stopped for a split second- though I doubt that's possible.  
  
I grabbed her shoulder and shook her gently, praying as I did so that she would wake up and look at me. CJ,please be alright. Then she moved and made a sound. She was on her side so I finally got up the courage to roll her over and I sat her up while my hands moved around her, unconsciously checking for injuries. I was preparing myself to feel the dreaded wetness and see the bright red, but it didn't happen. She hadn't been shot and I felt so happy.  
  
But her eyes were unfocused and I waved my hand in front of her. I knew I'd have to get a paramedic for her but I just didn't want to move at all. Something caught my eye- her necklace. I picked it up, putting it in my pocket. I'm not sure why I did that- why I didn't just put it in her pocket. I think it's because I wanted her to seek me out for it, so I'd have the chance to talk to her.  
  
I could hear the President's motorcade driving away and I saw Leo walk by. I stood up, ready to go after him- to see who had been hurt. But before I left, I bent down over her head and kissed her so softly I doubt she knew I did it. Then I noticed the cut and knew she needed medical assistance.  
  
I couldn't help but notice the shattered window directly above where we had fallen and I shudder as I think about how if maybe I had waited a split second more to knock her down........that haunts me.  
  
I hurried over to Leo. "Leo!" He whipped around and I swear his eyes glistened for just a second when he saw me. "Sam, thank God you're okay." I nodded, because I just didn't have any words right now. I wanted to ask if the President was okay, who was hurt, and what the hell happened out here. But I wasn't sure I could get all those words out in a coherent sentence right now. Leo seemed to read my mind as he said, "They got the President in the car, I don't know how he is. They've got Zoey too. Toby and Charlie are okay. I haven't seen Josh yet and CJ- she was near you wasn't she?"  
  
I nodded again and I'm pretty sure there must have been panic in my eyes because Leo went a little pale. "She's- she's okay, I think. I don't know, I just- she was there and her head-"  
  
Leo put a hand on my shoulder. "Sam, calm down."  
  
I took a deep breath then. "She hit her head Leo. Her eyes were unfocused- she needs a doctor."  
  
At that point, I believe Leo started calling for a doctor. I vaguely remember him asking me where she was and I pointed him in the direction. I stood still then, as everything just happened around me. People were hugging and crying. Leo had bent down and pulled CJ up gently, keeping a hand on her arm. Partly to steady her and partly because I think he just needed to reassure himself she was still alive.  
  
I went in search of Toby and Josh- no one had seen Josh. Toby would find him a few minutes later bleeding to death.  
  
When I noticed CJ standing up holding gauze to her head, I figured I should walk over there.  
  
I touched her arm without even thinking and asked her if she was alright. What a stupid question- how could any of us be alright? And she didn't answer, just asked about the President. I couldn't help with that because I knew about as much as she did. Gina walked by but couldn't talk.  
  
CJ mentioned something about a person pushing her down. I knew who it was but I just didn't want to say. There would be another time for that. She must not have remembered Leo coming over. And then we both turned our heads at the sound. The sound of Toby's anguished plea for a doctor. That's when I knew- I knew Josh had been hit. I'm pretty sure my heart stopped again that night. So we ran over and I'm not sure what happened in between but I remember getting into the ambulance and praying again that Josh would be alright.  
  
CJ didn't look good and I hoped that she would get some rest, but I knew she wouldn't. She had seated herself next to Toby and he had an arm around her. She was still holding the gauze to her head and Toby was alternating between throwing worried glances at Josh's bleeding form and mothering CJ's head wound. At last we were at the hospital and Josh was delirious. Things were pretty grim for a while but we just tried to take it one minute at a time.  
  
At some point in the early morning, she confronted me about the necklace which deep down, I'd been hoping she would do. She probably thought I was joking, but I would've secretly liked for her to follow me around with coconut oil. She'd really laugh at that. But after this night, I realize I have to tell her. Tell her how I feel before it's too late. I think this is some sort of sign- someone's trying to tell me "Hey Sam, we let her live, so you have to tell her how you feel."  
  
So I walk into her dark office and she's looking so weary and sad. I walk up to her. "CJ, there's something I need to tell you." So I told her and she smiled, for the first time that night she really smiled. That's when I knew things would be alright. Things were going to be fine and I can almost swear I hear her tell me she loves me too.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
-END- Feedback is always welcome and very appreciated 


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